While I was sleeping...

Fibromyalgia is downright cruel! Although there are many different symptoms I deal with on any given day, there are 2 that are with me all the time -- pain and intense fatigue. Most days, I have both. Some days I have one or the other but I never have days without either. Saturday when I woke up I was absolutely amazed -- there was NO pain! And I had run a 5K Friday night! I was excited! I knew Saturday would be a difficult day for me. On March 27, 2002, my sweet daddy passed away. I was prepared for a myriad of emotions as I never know from year to year exactly how it will effect me. All I know is that it will effect me. Well, I was excited because not only was it going to be a beautiful day (sunny and 70-something degrees) but I woke up with NO PAIN!!!! I decided that a run was definitely in order and a most befitting way to honor my dad on this day.





The minute I got out of bed, however, my excitement turned into tremendous disappointment. I was instantly overcome with such intense heaviness throughout my entire body, I could barely get my legs to move. I decided to get back in bed, at this point it was still very early, so I thought a bit more rest and a little nap might be in order. Now, I know how absurd a nap sounds after waking up from a good nights rest but with FM, there's no such thing as a "good nights rest." It's either a "better" nights rest than last night or some times even all out insomnia. But that's another lesson in the FM 101 text book that I'll save for another day. Well, before you know it, the entire day got away from me and I never got out of bed. I can't even begin to tell you what that does to a person. When you realize that you have literally slept thru an entire day -- and not just ANY day but a beautiful spring day in which you had something special and meaningful planned. When the tears came, they came with a vengeneance. But I reminded myself that there are things in this life that I have no control of. And sometimes, it takes "wasting" one day so that I can enjoy another.





When I woke up this morning, I felt better. Mind you, "better" simply means better than yesterday. Today, the pain is present but minimal -- YES!! Today, the fatigue is present but not intense -- YES!! The weather outside, however, is AWFUL! It's cold, damp and windy. YUCK!!!! This will only mean that when the sun goes down (what sun?) my body will stage an all out mutiny, making Monday a challenge. I'm not being pessimistic -- I'm being realistic. If I'm wrong, it will be a first but in this case, I sure hope I'm wrong. We made it to church (albeit late - it's hard to get ready on time these days) and I was so happy. It was then that I realized it was better to lose my Saturday to gain His Sunday and worship my Awesome God! My negative had a huge positive attached!





This afternoon, I headed out to run the errands that I couldn't do yesterday. I must say it felt colder and the wind was really blowing -- ugh! And then I saw it. Our cherry tree. All week long I've come and gone and never even noticed it was budding. But as I looked at it, amidst the gloomy, gray sky, it's in FULL BLOOM! When did that happen? It must have been while I was I was sleeping. It must have happened in the middle of my dark day while I was wallowing in self pity. In the midst of my storm, God reminds that in Him is life. In Him, it's a new day and a new season. This is a time not to mourn what is lost but rather a time to rejoice in what lies ahead! When I'm open to the lessons that He wants to teach me, it makes me thankful for FM. I wonder, if yesterday had not turned out like it did, would I have missed the blessing of the cherry tree today?





So, with that, I leave you with a close up view of my cherry tree in bloom...

Gotta run...

Lisa

Sick and tired of being sick and tired

I know, I know...I promised a race report. But, I've had a lot going on as you can see from this list:


Lately, my life has been comprised of making promises I simply can't keep. I start to write my blog and then, well, it just seems too overwhelming. I have LOTS to talk about...I have ZERO energy to write it all down. My life of late has been a roller coaster. I know, everyone's life is a roller coaster. Yes, everyone has their ups and downs but I'm at a point in my life where I'm both figuratively and literally nauseous and weary of the jerking and twisted turns that are coming so fast I can't recover from the last before the next thing comes. I seems that every positive thing in my life is immediately countered with a new symptom or a new pain in a new place.


But everyday is a new day (wow, that's deep, huh?) and since getting off the roller coaster of life is NOT an option (I'm certainly not ready to leave the amusement park yet!), I have determined that I'm going to turn around my way of thinking. Instead of thinking that every time something good happens, something bad is just around the next turn, I will embrace the negative because I know that for every bad thing that happens, something good is just around the corner. I know this is not rocket science but for me, this is a break through. I'm learning that a positive outlook is all I have. I can't rely on running any more to get me thru the dark times -- I have to instead find my courage and strength from within and let running be the result and not the source.



So, I've come to grips with the fact that some days I will live up to my GoGirlGo! persona and some days I'll just be GoneGirlGone but one thing will always be true, even on the days when I can't get out of bed, I always...



Gotta run!

Lisa

What a beautiful day for a run! Race report forthcoming. Yes, I said race report - GoGirlGo is back!!! 3 months has been way too long!