Sick and tired of being sick and tired

I know, I know...I promised a race report. But, I've had a lot going on as you can see from this list:


Lately, my life has been comprised of making promises I simply can't keep. I start to write my blog and then, well, it just seems too overwhelming. I have LOTS to talk about...I have ZERO energy to write it all down. My life of late has been a roller coaster. I know, everyone's life is a roller coaster. Yes, everyone has their ups and downs but I'm at a point in my life where I'm both figuratively and literally nauseous and weary of the jerking and twisted turns that are coming so fast I can't recover from the last before the next thing comes. I seems that every positive thing in my life is immediately countered with a new symptom or a new pain in a new place.


But everyday is a new day (wow, that's deep, huh?) and since getting off the roller coaster of life is NOT an option (I'm certainly not ready to leave the amusement park yet!), I have determined that I'm going to turn around my way of thinking. Instead of thinking that every time something good happens, something bad is just around the next turn, I will embrace the negative because I know that for every bad thing that happens, something good is just around the corner. I know this is not rocket science but for me, this is a break through. I'm learning that a positive outlook is all I have. I can't rely on running any more to get me thru the dark times -- I have to instead find my courage and strength from within and let running be the result and not the source.



So, I've come to grips with the fact that some days I will live up to my GoGirlGo! persona and some days I'll just be GoneGirlGone but one thing will always be true, even on the days when I can't get out of bed, I always...



Gotta run!

Lisa

What a beautiful day for a run! Race report forthcoming. Yes, I said race report - GoGirlGo is back!!! 3 months has been way too long!

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

Today would have been my Dad's 78th birthday -- he passed away almost 8 years ago. It's always hard this time of year because I miss him SO much but there's also a strange comfort I get when I allow myself to stop & think of all the great memories I have and reflect on the man he was.

My dad was a runner. I know that doesn't sound very interesting in and of itself but it was where and how he loved to run that made him unique and brings a smile to my face. Dad was the maintenance man for our church, which was quite large both in number of members and square footage of the building. Dad paced out the sanctuary and knew just how many laps around equalled a mile. He would go into the sanctuary (not during worship services mind you), take off his shoes (I have always wanted to run barefoot!) and just run. With only the light that streamed through the stained glass windows, he would run and he would pray. Sometimes he'd be in there for hours but he never could seem to remember just how many laps he'd gone. He would be so intune with God that he'd forget to count the laps -- he just ran with God. Being a child and not a runner, I found this "ritual" to be quite silly and perhaps a bit irreverant. After all, he was running barefoot in the church building -- didn't our parents always say we should never run in church?!??!) Well, I'm no longer a child and I AM a runner so I must say, man, didn't he have it all figured out? Dad, I totally get it now!!!! How awesome to run free with your thoughts focussed on Almighty God as you reach out to Him in prayer. Did I mention that I totally get that now? :) He found a way to turn his love for running and his love for God into a way that drew him closer to God. But that's the way my dad was, everything he did, God was always the biggest part. Everything else was secondary.

I would give anything to run with my dad. Even if I had run with him as a child, I don't think I would have grasped the totality of what that would mean. Often when I run, I think of my dad and sometimes I even imagine he's right beside me. Especially when the distance is hard, it's my dad I think of. In my head, he escorted me across the finish line of the Little Rock marathon in 2008. Silly, huh?

While these are silly images I have conjured in my head to keep my dad's memory with me there is one thing that I can rely on. One day, when my life on earth is done, if the Lord find me faithful, I will get to run barefoot with my Dad in the presence of Almighty God! WOW!!! I can hardly wait!!!!!!!

Gotta run...

Lisa

The Best Worst Half Marathon Ever

Several months ago, Mark finally caved into my constant begging a.k.a. nagging to run the St. Jude Half Marathon with me. Here we are at the start line, btw. Anyway, ever since I started running some 3 and 1/2 years ago, it has been my desire to cross the finish line with him, holding hands and raising them high in the air -- the perfect finish line photo. Well, today, I ran, er walked, er limped 13.1 miles with Mark by my side and we even posed for our finish line photo just as I had pictured it in my head.

It would have been a picture perfect race as well if only my knee would have held out longer. Sadly, it decided my race was OVER at mile 8 and then gave up altogether around 11. Now, mind you, I was not well trained for this race. The last 14 weeks have been difficult. I wasn't able to get my 10 miler in nor was I able to get in any weekly runs for most of the training period. I would have advised anyone else to "sit this one out" but not only was my husband signing up to run but we both committed ourselves to running it as St. Jude Heroes and raise money for the precious children who are being treated there. How could I possibly drop out? So I showed up at the start line and wondered what this day would bring. The 1st 5-6 miles were AWESOME!!! Although we walked alot when we ran, we ran fairly strong and averaged 13:30-14:00 minute miles. At 6, I began having a few nagging pains in various places but I pushed thru ok. More walking than running between 6 and 11 and then things began to deteriorate rapidly. Sometime after the 11 mile marker, my knee began throbbing and I couldn't put my full weight on my left leg as a result. Then the calf cramps hit the right leg and I was practically immobile. At that point, I didn't think I could make it to the finish but who drops out at 11.5 when you're that close to the finish? Mark grabbed my hand and was literally dragging me along while I winced in pain and begged him to let me quit.

When we saw the gates of AutoZone park, we began to jog. At the moment we entered the gates, BAM, calve cramps in BOTH LEGS! I came to a dead stop and the tears began to flow freely, knee still throbbing all the while. The volunteer at the gate says to me, "we've taken 2 runners out of here on stretchers. You're NOT going to be #3. YOU CAN DO IT!!" For some strange reason, I believed her and Mark & I headed to the finish, hand in hand. I was limping but I was going to make it. The photographer snapped our picture with our clasped hands in the air and we were smiling. As soon as we passed her, my calves cramped again just in time to see a 2nd photographer who captured me crying out to Mark that I was about to fall and him looking over at me. Oh well, at least we got one good finish line photo -- or should I say hope. Once past the finish line, one of the medical personnel asked me if I was ok and before I could answer, saw just what the problem was and began helping me work out the cramps. This process, I must say, is as painful if not more so than the cramps themselves. But his torture worked and I was on my way to THE MEDAL! Boy, did I earn that thing today!

So while this was by far my slowest, most painful half marathon EVER, I am as proud of this one as I am of my marathon finishes. I proved to myself that I can do anything if I possess enough desire and determination (and maybe a little bit of insanity) and Mark and I did this together! And we did it for the kids at St. Jude! I truly felt like a hero today.

Now it's time for some much needed rest and recovery because you know me...

Gotta run!
Lisa

There's still time to donate - please visit www.mystjudeheroes.org/rundream Thanks so much for your support!

Six in the City

Today I did 6 miles in downtown Memphis. Running by the river always cheers me up and today, I especially needed some cheer. This has been a particularly bad week for me. When I showed up for today's 6 miles, I fully expected to do 6 laps around the St. Jude campus, figuring I'd be lucky if I could even do half the distance. But my two teammates wouldn't hear of it. Morris would be running ahead of me and Lenore would be walking behind me -- I was literally book ended by the two of them. When I made it back to campus, I was in a lot of pain and was determined to call it quits at 5.39 miles. Morris would have nothing of that. He cheered me on and encouraged me not only to get to the 6 mile mark, but to add a lap around campus for a total of 6.39 miles. So tonite, even though I am quite sore and can barely walk, I feel like I really accomplished something today. Now, I just hope I can recover in time for our 10 miler next Saturday.

It has been difficult for me to accept my limitations of late and I have a hard time not looking out too far into the future. I don't have to determine today that my marathon days are over. I don't have to determine today that my half-marathon days are over. Today, I had 6 miles to cover. Today, I determined (with the help of my friends) that I could not only do it, but I could go just a little bit farther. Today, that's good enough for me because I...

Gotta run...

Lisa :)

4 Miler

While it's quite an accomplishment for me to blog 2 days in a row, I am most proud of this morning's 4 miler. I anticipated it wouldn't be much to write about since I ran a 5k last nite. I assumed I would be walking most of it. I didn't get to sleep until almost 1am to boot. When I arrived on the St. Jude campus, I was really not wanting to go the distance and when at 8:05am no one else had shown up, I thought I might just go back home and go to bed. Just as I was about to go to my car, Morris & Laurie showed up raring to go. Oh well, I thought, I'm just going to walk so it'll be fine.

But something happened out there that caught me completely by surprise. My body wanted to run! So, I ran. Now, I took walk breaks but I really felt like I ran more than I walked. My Garmin supports that theory. I am a slow runner but an even slower walker. I cannot seem to walk any faster than a 17:00 - 18:00 pace on my walk breaks. This is something I'd really like to work on but running always seems to be the area I prefer to work on. Now, these numbers are not speedy by any stretch of the imagination but for me at this time (I'm still in a major funk but I can see the light at the end) these numbers are quite encouraging to me. Mile 1 - 13:13; Mile 2 - 13:42; Mile 3 - 13:16; Mile 4 - 13:20. I finally feel like I'm getting somewhere.

Now to deal with the residual aches & pains but it is to be expected when you just...

Gotta run...
Lisa :)

True Blue 5k

You gotta love a 5k that winds thru the campus of your alma mater and "spits" you out thru the giant tiger's mouth after you cross the finish line!

Sorry for the blur -- the BB doesn't take the best photos. :(

This was a really weird race for me. For some reason, I felt really out of place. Perhaps it was because my last 5k was so disastrous. Perhaps it's because I haven't felt much like a runner lately. Whatever the reason, I felt odd but I was determined to "stick it out" and see if I could redeem myself with a better finishing time than the last 5k I did about a month ago. Besides, the more people watching I did, the more comfortable I became. I noticed all these "runners" who looked fit, dressed the part, doing these amazing stretches. They looked like real pros I tell ya with one exception, they had their bib numbers pinned on their backs instead of the front. I thought maybe that's what you do now -- after all, I haven't been participating in many races lately. Anyway, when it came time to line up at the start line, I made my way to the back of the pack. That is where I feel like I belong. I heard a guy mumble under his breath, "it goes on the front, doofus" and I was relieved. I hadn't missed the memo about the new rules about proper bib placement. As the race began, I enjoyed picking off "those" runners who started out way too fast and pooped out at mile 2. I wasn't fast mind you, but there's a lot to be said for slow and steady. While I didn't PR tonite (thankfully, I wasn't expecting to) it was a great run for me. I ran/walked in 40 minutes and some change. So while I may not be completely back in the game, I'm definitely moving in the right direction. YES!!!!!!

Gotta run...

Lisa :)