1 Year Ago Today

In some ways, it seems like it was only yesterday. In some ways, it seems like it's been a lifetime. One year ago today, I was sitting in an outdoor cafe with my roommate/fellow Team in Training teammate. Back at the hotel, TNT was throwing a post-race celebration, hosted by my idol, John "the Penguin" Bingham. We went to the party long enough to hear his words of consolation & encouragement. But when the DJ started spinning records & people headed toward the dance floor, we headed toward the door. We sat in silence for the most part, both trying to understand exactly what happened that day. We searched for answers that never came. For 4 months, I endured training in the hottest, most humid conditions I've ever experienced -- suffering thru shin splints, ankle tendonitis, an upper respiratory infection. For 4 months I held garage sales, sent out letters & emails, made calls, passed out flyers and raised $4,000 for life saving cancer research. The finish line was to be my reward... Things weren't much better for Jill. While she was able to cross the finish line, she did so with no photographers, no cheering crowd -- instead she was greeted with sirens, stretchers, fallen runners. Not the moment of victory or sense of accomplishment she had hoped for. We had both envisioned that day very differently -- this was my 1st mararthon, she was trying to qualify for Boston -- we had both practiced our "finish line phot0" moment but sadly, in vain.

In the days, weeks and months that followed, I tried to console myself in the fact that the most important thing about this marathon had indeed been accomplished -- I raised a lot of money. For this brief moment in time, I made a difference. And while I am indeed proud of that, something is missing. I received a card in the mail several months back from my patient hero. She is now in remission. This, in addition to the thank you card she sent me shortly after the marathon, are 2 of the most priceless possessions I am honored to have. But again, something is missing. I am plaqued with thoughts of what if and why but I try to push them aside as quickly as they arise. In many ways, this experience has made me a better runner and a better person. I try and tell myself that it's ok to be disappointed, it's ok to hurt, it's ok to cry but it's not ok not to move on. I am moving on, slowly but surely. It's been a year -- it's time to turn the page and write the next chapter of my life. But someday, Chicago, you'll see me at the start line again but this time, I won't be denied...

Gotta run...
~Lisa